Comments on: When do parents hold the financial hammer? http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/ Personal finance, commentary, and spending less the easy way Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:23:30 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: plonkee http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/comment-page-1/#comment-140407 plonkee Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:58:39 +0000 http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/#comment-140407 Honouring your parents doesn't mean doing exactly as you are told. It doesn't mean that they get a free ride and that it's ok for them to try to exert too much control over your life. I think that one of the ways that you honour your parents is by accepting that they aren't perfect, and that they get things wrong, and that it's ok for them to live with the consequences of their own actions. In the example you cited, taken at face value, the parents (justly) lost out because they blackmailed the kid. I think the best thing to do would be to accept that the parents aren't perfect and focus on having a good (but not necessarily close) relationship at the level that's appropriate. Better to see them infrequently and tolerate them, than to see them too often and resent them. Honouring your parents doesn’t mean doing exactly as you are told. It doesn’t mean that they get a free ride and that it’s ok for them to try to exert too much control over your life.

I think that one of the ways that you honour your parents is by accepting that they aren’t perfect, and that they get things wrong, and that it’s ok for them to live with the consequences of their own actions.

In the example you cited, taken at face value, the parents (justly) lost out because they blackmailed the kid. I think the best thing to do would be to accept that the parents aren’t perfect and focus on having a good (but not necessarily close) relationship at the level that’s appropriate. Better to see them infrequently and tolerate them, than to see them too often and resent them.

]]> By: Lamar http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/comment-page-1/#comment-140341 Lamar Mon, 02 Jun 2008 00:47:23 +0000 http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/#comment-140341 Anytime you take money from your parents, you are pretty much chained to their wishes or guilt trips. Part of financial independence is being free from parental money, including the influence/bribery of inheritance money. Despite the obvious drawbacks, I've always felt a certain added freedom by having poor parents. The problem with the biblical citation is that IMO the quality of parenting has dropped off precipitously in the last few decades or so. You have some seriously F'ed up parents these days, including those who will use identity theft to steal from their children. Anytime you take money from your parents, you are pretty much chained to their wishes or guilt trips. Part of financial independence is being free from parental money, including the influence/bribery of inheritance money. Despite the obvious drawbacks, I’ve always felt a certain added freedom by having poor parents.

The problem with the biblical citation is that IMO the quality of parenting has dropped off precipitously in the last few decades or so. You have some seriously F’ed up parents these days, including those who will use identity theft to steal from their children.

]]> By: Mrs. Micah http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/comment-page-1/#comment-140325 Mrs. Micah Sun, 01 Jun 2008 17:37:06 +0000 http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/#comment-140325 Somewhere there's a verse about children respecting their parents and <em>parents not provoking their children</em>. Withholding <em>earned</em> money from an adult child (18 isn't fully adult, but adult enough) is just a bad decision. If the parents are paying for it, they have every right to say "Ok, you have to major in this or pay your own way." But I don't think that's a good idea either...coercing someone into a career that doesn't interest them is another recipe for sadness. Somewhere there’s a verse about children respecting their parents and parents not provoking their children. Withholding earned money from an adult child (18 isn’t fully adult, but adult enough) is just a bad decision.

If the parents are paying for it, they have every right to say “Ok, you have to major in this or pay your own way.” But I don’t think that’s a good idea either…coercing someone into a career that doesn’t interest them is another recipe for sadness.

]]> By: Mike http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/comment-page-1/#comment-140314 Mike Sun, 01 Jun 2008 12:04:50 +0000 http://www.mightybargainhunter.com/2008/06/01/when-do-parents-hold-the-financial-hammer/#comment-140314 I think if the kid earned the money then the parents should have no say in how it's spent. I think if the kid earned the money then the parents should have no say in how it’s spent.

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