I had served dinner at a homeless shelter once.  It was a few years ago.

Tuesday afternoon I was talking with a friend about the economy, the bailouts, etc.  We differ in opinion on how things should be handled — he’s anti-business and I’m free market — but I let it be known that it was my opinion that it was the church’s job to take care of the poor, not the government’s.

Well, that very night, God gave me the opportunity to help the poor.  (Funny how He holds you to your word.)  A woman approached me in Border’s asking for a ride a few miles down the road.  I was hesitant, but after a couple of minutes I decided to give her a ride.  She was the one that ended up taking me for a ride (ha!) but that’s all right.  She got coffee, dinner, part of tomorrow’s breakfast, and a room for the night.  It cost me $55 total and a couple hours’ time, but it got her to the next day in a little more comfort than she probably would have otherwise, and she thanked me several times.

This was a real eye-opener.  It’s easy to get comfortable in a middle-class lifestyle and forget that there are a lot of people struggling pretty hard.  Here are some things I learned:

• There’s a lot of need. We stayed at the Waffle House for a little while.  During that visit there was another gentleman sleeping in one of the booths near the bathrooms (homeless) and when the waitress reminded that gentleman that he wasn’t to ask customers for a ride, another guy piped up saying that he had been homeless.  That’s three people in one restaurant one night, out of maybe twenty customers, and those were just the ones I knew about.
• For every winning bidder of a storage bin auction, there’s someone losing their stuff. “M” (the woman I helped out) had her belongings in storage and couldn’t keep up with the rent.  She lost her clothes.  All she had was her work uniform.
• Necessity is the mother of invention. The Waffle House ran out of disposable forks, so she got one at the gas station (she didn’t own any).  She knew where to get the coupon book for the hotel that she stayed at (fairly regularly, I found out).
• Homeless people really are looked down on. I observed the other customers in the Waffle House and the looks on their faces said it all.
• There are compassionate people out there. Despite that having a homeless person sleeping in one of the booths isn’t really “good for business,” they let him do that anyway.  I left a fairly large tip.
• Living that kind of life is probably exhausting. I can’t imagine what it’s like but I could see it on her face.
• Planning is a lot shorter-term in this situation. When you’re wondering if someone’s going to be kind and give you a bed to sleep in tonight, thinking much past, maybe, next paycheck (if that) doesn’t really enter the picture that much.  That was the impression I got talking with her; her problems dominated the conversation.  (That’s not judgment, just observation.)
• I’m not going to solve her problems. Her solving her problems will be difficult enough.  The other guy I mentioned earlier (the one who piped up) I found out was an ex-convict.  You’d have a hard time guessing that because he was so well-spoken.  But his criminal record got in the way of a lot of employment opportunities.  He’s doing pretty well, but that kind of rough history will always be a liability.  The same with “M” — she has an uphill battle and will probably never be able to retire (she was at least in her 40s).
• Many people probably don’t receive as much “kindness from strangers” because they’re bigger physically.  I certainly was taking a risk inviting “M” into my car to take her down the road, and she wasn’t even that intimidating physically.  The guy that was sleeping in the Waffle House?  I wouldn’t feel safe because I was at a big disadvantage physically.  He could be a teddy bear, but one look at him and I just saw grizzly bear.  He can’t control people’s reactions to his size.
• My “problems” are just barely annoyances. A bad day at work or missing a tax deadline and paying a $10 penalty don’t really rank up there with needing a place to sleep or going hungry.
• And finally, I’m very thankful that I have a strong marriage, because if I didn’t, my wife would question why I had a charge for a hotel room on our credit card.

Hot hot hot money questions at Cash Commons

JLP at All Financial Matters asked his readers how they handle cold calls from charities. Is there a way to handle these kinds of calls gracefully when there’s no interest in giving to the charity? JLP asks: “How do you say no to legitimate calls for help without feeling guilty?”

I’m not anti-charity and we do support several, and we give generously to our church. But at the same time, I have no problem just hanging up without a word as soon as I realize it’s a charity. Absolutely none whatsoever. That sounds cold — and for all I know it might be — but here are the three main reasons:

• The charities don’t take the hint. You’d think after hanging up on them two dozen times that it would be pretty clear that I don’t want to donate. Nope. This doesn’t enter the equation because …
• The charities don’t have to take the hint. Even if I tell them I don’t ever want to give and that they’re wasting their time calling me, charities are exempt from the laws governing the National Do Not Call Registry. I cannot stop them from calling. From the Business FAQ page on DoNotCall.org:

The National Do Not Call Registry does not limit calls by political organizations, charities, or telephone surveyors.

• Charities will continue to ask for money. Most charities worth supporting have legitimate reasons to ask for money, but when’s the last time you heard a fundraising drive end early because they raised enough money? The charities that we support always, always continue to offer us opportunities to give more.

The few charities that call us at home again and again — the “usual suspects” — are ones that we’ve never had any interest in supporting. In most cases the charities we support don’t call us. That’s why I don’t feel the slightest twinge of guilt hanging up on the ones who do. The calling rules are set up in their favor, but I can still control the length of the call.

Hot hot hot money questions at Cash Commons